it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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