i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
