What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
