we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize