one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
