that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
