Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
