No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
