Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
