It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
