Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
