YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it's like iHOP with fire
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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