3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
