happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
