gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
a search helicopter?!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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