like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
