Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
