if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
