Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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