Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
