just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
