five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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