I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize