Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
