I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
