Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you inspire me to be a worse person
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
