This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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