So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
