im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
