Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As shirtless as possible
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize