I will die if light touches me.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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