I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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