bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
