I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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