I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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