He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
