I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We have started to decorate penises.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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