I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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