I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
