Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
