Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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