nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
