so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
