I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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