my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
