I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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