I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
