you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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