I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
