apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
