ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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