I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
