If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
