Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
