I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
