she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
