5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
