I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
