I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize