who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
